Writer: Kimmer Ringwald
Director: Jim Simon
Original Air Date: Saturday, September 19, 1987 (assumed)
The segment opens with a nice aerial shot of the school.
We hear Mr. Weatherbee talking to Miss Grundy.
Oh, dear Goddess, Mr. Weatherbee’s trying to act cool, which apparently involves throwing together whatever clothes that he could find at the thrift store into an approximation of a “Miami Vice” outfit.
There’s a really cartoony gag where Mr. Weatherbee’s reflection laughs at him while his back is turned.
Shouldn’t Mr. Weatherbee be frightened that his reflection is alive?
In the gym, Miss Grundy and the boys are decorating for the dance. For some reason, this involves putting the cake out, even though the dance won’t start for quite some time, and the cake would melt by then. Also, Jughead is asleep as usual, and Reggie is bored. Archie and Reggie each believe Veronica will ask him to the dance.
Miss Grundy has Reggie help Jughead sweep instead of talk.
Okay, that’s kinda funny.
Reggie’s bored and wants “fun”.
Reggie suggests Eugene give Miss Grundy a “surprise” “present” for her “birthday”. In exchange, Reggie will take out the trash for him. Reggie guilts Eugene over not knowing when Miss Grundy’s birthday is and uses reverse psychology, which makes Eugene insistent on giving it to her. Reggie then sends Eugene on his way while openly talking suspiciously about his “genius”.
Eugene climbs a ladder and gives Miss Grundy her “present”, and…
Mr. Weatherbee asks where his “hair” went. Miss Beazley asks where the punch goes.
The frog, wearing Mr. Weatherbee’s wig, hops into the punch bowl, and…
Reggie has a good laugh over it.
Jughead falls to the floor and wakes up. He sees the mess and admonishes everyone for it, even though it was all Reggie’s fault and even though Jughead didn’t clean jack shit.
Oddly, the scene transition occurs while Jughead is still speaking.
Future Betty continues her mission in the past.
Reggie’s recounting the practical joke to Betty.
Betty says Reggie’s the only one that finds his practical jokes funny.
She pays no attention to Reggie and is instead preoccupied with her “new hairdo” (which looks the same as always); it cost a lot, and she hopes Archie likes it. She’s going to ask Archie to the Sadie Hawkins Day dance and wanted to look “totally dreamy” when she asks him.
Reggie gives Betty a bouquet of flowers.
Betty inhales deeply.
Reggie cums all over Betty’s face, leaving her immensely satisfied.
But then Betty gets pissed.
Reggie jizzes on her again.
Betty has a kind-of-amusing line: “I look like a blonde mop.”
She decides to hide from the world.
Reggie informs Betty that Archie is on the clean-up committee for the dance and makes a blonde mop / clean-up “joke”. Betty starts to make a vague threat to Reggie about what will happen if Veronica asks Archie before she does, but Reggie is certain that Veronica is going to ask him to the dance and allows Betty to go with “Carrot Top”. That’s one of Reggie’s nicknames for Archie; he’s not actually suggesting Betty go with Carrot Top.
Betty is still wary of Reggie’s practical jokes, but Reggie promises to stop. Betty’s stuck and tells Reggie to give her a hand.
For some reason, this freaks Betty out. Reggie has a good laugh over it and just fucking walks away, presumably leaving Betty stuck in her locker.
Later, Veronica greets “Archiekins”.
She’s about to ask Archie to the Sadie Hawkins Day dance, but Reggie salts Archie’s game with itching powder.
Archie starts itching and runs away. Reggie laughs out loud, Veronica presumably somehow not hearing him.
Later, at a competition, Reggie glues Moose in place on the track.
Later, Reggie does something to what he presumes will be Archie’s discus, but Fangs insists on going next. Fangs Fogarty is a character that was introduced in the long-running (1956-1983) “Little Archie” title, which focused on the gang’s childhood years at Riverdale Elementary School. It’s neat to see Fangs here. He was eventually integrated into normal Archie continuity in 2000. His name was Edward in the Little Archie continuity and Fred in the normal continuity.
Reggie relents and has a laugh over it, which confuses Archie, so Reggie explains he put glue on that discus. Archie’s worried, but Reggie insists it’s just “a harmless practical joke”.
Reggie has a laugh over this.
Fangs demands to know if Reggie did it. There’s a horrible animation mistake in which Reggie’s response comes out of Fangs’ mouth.
Fangs has a good line: “I only laugh when I turn people into globs of Jell-O. Wanna see me laugh, Reggie?”
Reggie apologizes and vows to give Fangs whatever he wants (coincidentally, this comes very shortly before the time mark in which Betty promised her voters whatever they wanted in the previous segment). Fangs wants Reggie to get Veronica to ask Fangs to the dance; in exchange, he’ll “save” (should be “spare”) Reggie’s life.
Check out Veronica just calmly watching this bullying with a smile on her face.
Anyway, Reggie guarantees it to his “old buddy” but then immediately admits he’s gonna fucking die.
After school, Reggie catches up with Veronica and reveals her “secret admirer”, Fangs Fogarty, who she finds disgusting.
Reggie gives her a necklace as a present.
Veronica loves it and thanks Reggie.
However, she knows Reggie too well and realizes he wants something.
Reggie begs Veronica to ask Fangs to the dance. She refuses and gets in the limo.
She’s keeping the necklace to go with her new dress. I fucking love Veronica. She also insists she’s going to the dance with Archie.
Fangs comes by and demands an update. Reggie bullshits about Veronica being shy and calling Fangs at home, which makes Fangs happy.
After the commercial break (I assume; the video that I have abruptly cuts to black for a few frames; judging by the file’s running time, very little footage appears to be missing), Fangs is getting off on Reggie’s poor impersonation of Veronica over the phone. Reggie isn’t even attempting a Valley accent.
But at least he’s physically pretending to be a stereotypical girl talking on the phone.
Nice touch, by the way, with the “expensive” look of Reggie’s bedroom. It shows his family’s rich. I gotta wonder, though, why there are no personal touches, such as posters or whatever.
Anyway, Reggie talks himself up to dissuade Fangs from beating him up, and then he lets out a loud sigh before he hangs up the phone. I wonder what Fangs would think if he heard that. He’d probably think Veronica’s lying on her bed, naked and masturbating, while talking with him.
At the dance, Veronica and Archie are together. Archie compliments her on her looks, and she agrees. That is so Veronica!
Archie offers to get her a glass of punch, and she accepts. While he’s doing that, she’s gonna go brush her hair.
Wait. Where are Veronica’s new dress and necklace?
Meanwhile, Fangs is too stupid to recognize Reggie dressed as Veronica.
And it takes Reggie a while to realize he shouldn’t take off his wig around Fangs.
By the way, how did Reggie manage to figure out what Veronica was gonna wear to the dance? Did he spy on her through her bedroom window?
Fangs decides to get them some cold punch, which Reggie agrees with. However, Reggie sees Veronica approaching and decides to get the punch himself.
So, of course, Reggie just takes Archie’s two glasses of punch away from him, talks in his normal voice, and then tries to cover for himself.
Despite the fact that he’s looking at Reggie’s face, Archie’s mostly fooled and even suggests they dance. Not even holding Reggie’s hands tips him off.
Meanwhile, Fangs manhandles Veronica.
Veronica demonstrates she’s possibly the bravest student in the school by threatening to punch Fangs. She displays no fear at all.
Fangs pulls her to dance, regardless.
Betty, dateless, is hanging out in the bleachers with Ethel and Jughead.
It turns out that Ethel asked Jughead to the dance, and he accepted once she mentioned the free food.
Betty didn’t ask anyone, because Veronica had already gotten to Archie. So I guess going with anyone else in school wasn’t an option for her.
Ethel sees Veronica seemingly dancing with both Fangs and Archie at the same time.
Miss Grundy interrupts to announce who the judges have chosen as this year’s Queen of the Sadie Hawkins Day Dance: Veronica Lodge. Guess what happens.
Despite not being able to recognize the alien for what it was earlier, Veronica immediately sees right through Reggie’s disguise, making her also the smartest student in the school – at least in this segment.
I get Veronica, Fangs, and even Archie being upset, but why does everyone else join in the chase?
Heh, check out this random shot of Betty looking ultra pissed. Why, exactly?
And then almost everyone just comes to a screeching halt and looks on in…surprise?
As Veronica and Fangs continue chasing Reggie, Veronica yells “If I catch you, I’m gonna turn you into a basketball!” Um…
Jughead says “This time, the joke is on Reggie.” Thanks, but we didn’t need you to explain the segment’s title.
Betty points out that Archie lost his partner. After finding out that Betty hasn’t asked anyone yet, Archie suggests she ask him.
They have a laugh over it, and that’s it. So…I guess they’ll go back inside and dance together.
This segment was pretty nice – if a bit silly. But did Miss Grundy end up asking Mr. Weatherbee to the dance or not?
Tune in next Wednesday!