Comics – Beach Blanket Bash-Up

Writer: Paul Kupperberg
Pencils: Jeff Shultz
Inking: Jim Amash
Colors: Digikore Studios
Letters: Jack Morelli
Original Publication: Betty and Veronica, No. 255
Cover Date: October, 2011
On-Sale Date: August 24, 2011
Length: 10 pages

I’m sorry that this is late.

Before I get into the story, I want to address the cover. It’s nice (even though the scene technically doesn’t occur in the feature story), but why is the moon drawn so goddamn big? It’s not the first time that it’s been done. Just draw it normal-sized.

Betty and Veronica arrive at the beach. Betty notes they’re the last to arrive as usual. Veronica starts bullshitting about being “fashionably late” and gets on Betty’s case about wearing the same swimsuit all summer. She wants to take Betty shopping, but Betty declines. There’s a cute visual gag where a dude gets a boner for the two luscious ladies and gets hit in the head with a frisbee.

Archie and Moose come by, gathering driftwood for tonight’s bonfire. Archie’s really looking forward to it, but the girls are worried over who Archie’s gonna be snuggling with. For fuck’s sake…

Yes, this is the plot of this story. Anyway, Veronica doesn’t wanna leave “a big decision as important as this” to klutzy Archie. We see Archie trip and drop the driftwood as Cheryl wants by, but it’s unclear if it’s because of her or his own ineptitude. Veronica suggests flipping a coin. Betty says that’s “so impersonal” and suggests a contest, their own “secret Olympics” with Archie as the gold medal. Veronica asks who the silver medal is for second place. Reggie shows up and is his usual egotistical self in trying to get one of them to be with him at the bonfire. Since Veronica doesn’t plan on losing, she agrees to Reggie as the silver medal (without saying so). Betty slaps her five. Reggie’s left confused.

Later, Archie and Moose are eating hamburgers that Jughead grilled. Jughead’s also grilling hot dogs. Archie compliments the burger and asks for the secret. Jughead’s mum about it and talks about how he’s made “the pursuit of the perfect patty” his “life’s work”.

Nancy announces surf’s up, and a lot of people head into the water. Veronica and Betty slap each other five and go out to compete in round 1 of their stupid contest. Betty reminds Veronica that she’d wiped out last time. Veronica was embarrassed. She has since taken a few lessons from the world runner-up (the champ was busy). Veronica makes Betty wipe out and wins. Veronica engages in some G-rated trash talk (even though she seems to be an adult, judging by her dialogue). Betty compliments her and swims to shore.

Veronica suggests volleyball for round 2. Betty eagerly agrees. They join Archie, Midge, Reggie, and Moose’s game. It’s Betty, Archie, and Midge against Veronica, Reggie, and Moose. The game is “fast and furious” until Archie hits Veronica in the head with the ball, causing a…neck injury. Okay. Then Betty does it. Betty wins.

Veronica tries to conceal her injury and tells Betty to pick the next competition. Archie and Midge wonder what’s up with them. Betty chooses frisbee for round 3. They join Jughead and Reggie. During the game, there’s no trace of Veronica’s neck injury. Veronica explains, when her dad took them to Australia on winter break, a “nice man” showed her how to throw a boomerang. Veronica proceeds to throw the frisbee like a boomerang. It returns to her. Betty injures her ankle during this and tries to conceal it.

Veronica’s “sprained” neck is suddenly acting up again, so she suggests sand art for round 4. Betty agrees. Chuck’s working on one, and Cheryl’s just hanging out, doing nothing. Betty and Veronica get to work on their sand castles, but Veronica builds her castle too close to the water, and it’s ruined.

Round 5 is a three-legged race. Veronica/Moose beat Betty/Reggie.

Round 6 is…finding random lost shit on the beach? Betty finds more shit, so Midge declares her to be the winner.

It all comes down to round 7, a hot dog-eating contest. Archie is amused by Veronica participating. Cheryl takes a pic with her cell phone and posts it online for all to see.

Jughead declares Veronica to be the winner, mostly because Betty throws down a hot dog (or is it the other way around? it’s hard to tell). Betty hugs her, calls her awesome, and says she deserves this win. Veronica doesn’t consider it to be a win, because she’s sunburned, sick to her stomach, scraped, scratched, and sore; she can hardly move. She’s too beat to care that she won the contest. As the sun sets, she’s going home and leaves Archie to Betty. Betty finds Archie cozying up to Cheryl. As the bonfire starts, everyone else is having a great time, but Betty follows Veronica, realizing they were so busy trying to beat each other that they didn’t notice someone else was taking “the prize”.

This story is kind of mixed. It’s a stupid, degrading premise, but I love the fact that Cheryl got Archie by not doing a damn thing. Girl’s smart.

Tune in next Wednesday!

Author: markmooreauthor

I love watching anime and superhero movies, and I love playing video games. I also write fan fiction and original fiction.

3 thoughts on “Comics – Beach Blanket Bash-Up”

  1. I would declare Betty and Veronica both the winners of this stupid contest if, after seeing Archie with Cheryl, they both decided not to waste any of their time on Archie and instead both dated someone else (and hopefully TWO different “someone elses” instead of the SAME one). But then if they both behaved rationally and realistically, it would destroy the entire underlying premise of Archie Comics. Well, it does happen in SOME stories… but far too few, and then they go back to behaving like idiots again in the next story (like THIS one).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Think you’ll do a cartoon review next week.

    By the way, if you don’t have time to check out the Ranma link, want me to just explain the Ranma/Archie similarities?

    Liked by 1 person

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