Comics – Chisel Fizzle

Writer: Craig Boldman
Pencils: Jeff Shultz
Inking: Jim Amash
Original Publication: Betty and Veronica, No. 255
Cover Date: October, 2011
On-Sale Date: August 24, 2011
Length: 6 pages

While showing Betty some sad dude in a studio, Veronica exposits: The sad dude is Marconelli, a young artist that her dad has taken under his wing. He’s “the greatest sculptor since Michelangelo”. Mr. Lodge pays for this studio, where Marconelli creates “masterpiece after masterpiece”. Betty asks why she’s never heard of him (because that’s what teens are up on these days: sculptors).

Veronica’s quiet about it as Mr. Lodge and the girls follow Marconelli (as if in a funeral procession) to another room to witness the completion of Marconelli’s latest sculpture. Veronica is amazed by…a rip-off of Myron’s Discobolus. Unfortunately, a tap to make “one final detail” to the base collapses the entire statue, which is complete bullshit. The writer would have us believe this happens every single time, due to Marconelli being nervous about “that final tap” and doing it “exactly wrong”.

Mr. Lodge says he can’t remain patient forever. Marconelli is aware. He says his “greatest masterpiece” is nearly done, but he’s been afraid to touch it. Veronica suggests stopping short of “that one last tap” (never mind that there really is no way to judge when and where a “last tap” would occur). However, Marconelli vehemently declares he would “never!” leave his work “unfinished”. Betty suggests having somebody else do “that last tap” for him. Marconelli freaks out and then flips his shit about tainting purity and sullying integrity and shit.

The girls think he’s too wound up and full of anxiety. Veronica decides they need to provide a diversion and make him loosen up. Mr. Lodge asks how. Betty sweeps Marconelli off his feet and kisses him full on the lips. Then Veronica kisses him immediately afterward.

Marconelli goes to finish his masterpiece, a statue of Poseidon/Neptune. Everyone’s amazed. Mr. Lodge doesn’t know how to thank the girls. Then Marconelli gets “carried away” and chisels Betty and Veronica’s heads and some hearts on the sea god’s chest. No one knows what to make of it.

This story is stupid. The entire premise makes no sense.

Tune in next Wednesday!

Author: markmooreauthor

I love watching anime and superhero movies, and I love playing video games. I also write fan fiction and original fiction.

9 thoughts on “Comics – Chisel Fizzle”

  1. “Unfortunately, a tap to make “one final detail” to the base collapses the entire statue, which is complete bullshit.”

    That seems to happen a lot to fictional sculptures in fiction, probably for humor.

    “Betty sweeps Marconelli off his feet and kisses him full on the lips. Then Veronica kisses him immediately afterward.”

    A lot of kissing in these stories, huh?

    Did you read the Ranma/Archie comparison? If so can you comment what you think?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Betty’s the best because of her many admirable qualities (creativity, industriousness, athleticism) and sunny, cheerful personality. She remains ever-hopeful and optimistic for an exclusive/committed gf-bf relationship with Archie, even though she more often than not plays the underdog role in her competition with Veronica, so she needs to struggle and make greater efforts. She’s honest, kind, and devoted, sometimes to her own disadvantage. I think male readers see in her the idealized girlfriend model, while female readers sympathize with her emotionally and want to see her winning. Then too, her inner thoughts are better known to the readers than Veronica’s because of her diary entries. That said, she’s a harder character to write without making her seem saccharine and ‘goody-two-shoes’, and more difficult to wring comedic situations out of a story based on her character traits (exactly the opposite of Veronica or Cheryl, whose basic personalities inspire many comedic possibilities).

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks and not to be rude or anything
        But I just to want ask a another question
        What do you see in betty that isn’t boring
        Since I haven’t seen a word in your reviews that describes her so

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah, but if Marconelli was a true artist, then the medium would be a secondary consideration – it’s his artistic vision that has primacy, no matter what the medium, so the obvious solution would be to choose a medium for his sculpture that isn’t susceptible to shattering (like marble or granite) due to having to be chiseled (but of course, that’s the joke, the pun in the title) — so he should create a sculpture using clay or bronze, or some other material (even using hard wood and whittling the shape out… wood would not shatter). Logic, however, is the ruination of comedy.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: