Comics – Fast and Loose

Writer: Frank Doyle*
Pencils: Dan DeCarlo*
Inks: Jimmy DeCarlo*
Colors: Barry Grossman*
Letters: Bill Yoshida*
Original Publication: Archie’s Girls Betty and Veronica, No. 322
Cover Date: February, 1983
Length: 6 pages

*I don’t have the original issue and am reviewing this story from the PEP Digital #45: The Best of Cheryl Blossom e-book. The story might originally be uncredited. The credits come from Grand Comics Database and may or may not be accurate. The indexer note at GCDb states: “When reprinted in Betty and Veronica Double Digest Magazine (Archie, 1987 series) #233, Rudy Lapick is credited as the inker.”

I’m sorry that this is a bit late.

Before I get into the actual story, here’s an unfounded rumor about the issue as a whole, courtesy of GCDb: “Betty and Veronica half-naked on the cover, the story titles “Fast and Loose,” “Heavy Date,” and “Moanin’ Low,” and Cheryl Blossom’s aggressive sexuality have led Archie fans to speculate that “something” happened “between the lines” of this issue.”

Betty and Cheryl are walking along and come across Archie and Reggie. Betty introduces Cheryl to them, stating she and Jason go to Pembrooke Academy. Cheryl lets the guys call her Cher. Reggie, ever the smartass, asks “Share what?” Cheryl immediately whores herself out to him. Betty laughs it off, calling her “a great kidder”, but Cheryl lets Betty know she’s serious.

Cheryl then throws herself at Archie, and he misinterprets her advancements as wanting to join their band, The Archies. Cheryl has a “What the fuck?” moment but then resumes her seduction, readily admitting she’s a slut. Archie gets really nervous. Betty calmly observes the situation and says Cheryl is “too rich for poor Archie’s blood”. Reggie agrees. Betty eventually has enough of this and leaves. Reggie follows her, saying Cheryl shows bad taste. Betty calls her a fast woman and adds she knows, from experience, Cheryl is dealing with a “slo-o-ow man”. Laughing, Reggie agrees.

Cheryl tries to get behind Archie, probably to do things to his ass. Veronica comes by and interrupts them, pissed. Archie’s nervous as fuck and makes the introductions. Veronica and Cheryl oddly exchange some cowgirl-like banter (despite years of the old radio show and the Filmation cartoons, Veronica is not Southern; she’s from New York or Boston; Cheryl, also, doesn’t strike me as Southern). Veronica claims Archie as her boyfriend and drags him off.

Jason shows up, so Cheryl calls Archie and “Bonnie” back. Veronica angrily corrects her. Cheryl doesn’t give a shit and makes the introductions. Jason flirts with Veronica, and she likes it, but it pisses Archie off, and he yells at her. Veronica walks off with Jason.

Cheryl wants Archie to show her the “interesting sights” (meaning his dick and ass) and starts their “dandy little sightseeing tour” by making out with him.

Jughead walks over to Betty, and they both talk about how Cheryl is a “mankiller”. Betty’s afraid that Cheryl’s going to make a fool out of Archie, which, according to Jughead, is not too hard to do.

Betty asks Jughead if he has the magic pin that makes him irresistible to women (yeah, that was a thing back then; just go with it). He has it in his pocket and puts it on his hat, ready to save Archie from “a fate worse than death”. Surprised, Betty says it’s “not that bad” (because, y’know, hot chick trying to fuck you is better than death).

Jughead walks over and asks Archie to introduce “the tasty dish”. Cheryl immediately gets a lady boner for Jughead and ignores “Red”. Cheryl walks off with Jughead, questioning her sanity and claiming he really turns her on. Archie tells Betty that they need to figure out how to save Ronnie from Jason, but Betty doesn’t give a shit about that, since she has what she wants.

So this story is pretty risque but also pretty funny. After already knowing (for however long) Betty, Veronica, and Jughead, Cheryl is introduced to Archie and Reggie in this story. I love that Cheryl shamelessly flaunts her sexuality and doesn’t try to hide it by being modest in any way. The only thing that I hate about this story is the stupid magic pin.

This story was reprinted as a flashback within the “Love & War” story in Archie’s Love Showdown Special, No. 1, in late 1994. It was the immediate sequel to the famous “Love Showdown” storyline that reintroduced Cheryl to Riverdale (and readers).

Tune in next Wednesday!