Comics – ‘Ti$ the Sea$on

Writer: Bill Golliher
Pencils: Dan Parent
Inking: Jon D’Agostino
Lettering: Bill Yoshida
Coloring: Barry Grossman
Editor: Victor Gorelick
Editor-in-Chief: Richard Goldwater
Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom, No. 9
Cover Date: February, 1998
Length: 11 pages

Cheryl and Jason are checking out the presents under the Christmas tree. Clifford comes by, saying he believes Christmas is his favorite time of year. Cheryl agrees, citing the “cool gifts” that she gets. Clifford talks about the “sentiment of the season”: giving and love. Jason and Cheryl are amused. Clifford wonders where he went wrong.

A truck arrives, because Cheryl is having “some” presents delivered. As the delivery guys leave, one of them informs Cheryl that “the other truck” should be here soon. Clifford is surprised, because he can’t see the tree anymore. He asks Cheryl if all of these gifts are for other people. Cheryl admits “some” of them are for her.

Jason admits the same, so Clifford calls them spoiled and selfish. Shocked, Cheryl and Jason insist they aren’t. They then get into a pissing contest over who spends more on the other. Clifford tells them to knock it off, and Cheryl seems to imply she and Jason used to wrestle each other, but they’re “above that” now. Jason mentions they wrestled some “townies” one summer.

Jason and Cheryl want blank checks to buy each other expensive shit, but Clifford refuses and makes his credit cards off limits as well. He says, if they want to buy something for each other, they’re gonna have to do it themselves and sacrifice a little. He leaves. Jason and Cheryl are confused as to what “sacrifice” means, so she looks for a dictionary on a bookshelf. Seriously? How dumb do they have to be?

After they search for a bit, Jason finds a dictionary, looks up sacrifice, and reads about the religious kind of sacrifice. Cheryl freaks out, thinking her dad wants them to kill each other. Then Jason reads the second definition, which makes more sense, but Cheryl thinks it’s pointless. Jason suggests killing each other. Neither of them have any ideas and wish each other luck as they leave.

Cheryl invites Betty over, which makes Betty happy. Cheryl needs advice. Betty is confused over what that could possibly be. Cheryl explains. They sit down. They trade some banter. Cheryl accuses Betty of bleaching her hair. Um, sweetie, you have black eyebrows. I wouldn’t go around accusing other people of fake hair colors.

Betty suggests promising to be nice to Jason for the year. Cheryl would rather spend a fortune. Betty asks if Jason has something that’s very precious to him. Cheryl gets up and has Betty follow her.

They go to the garage. Jason got a hot red Italian sports car for his birthday. Betty’s impressed. Betty suggests getting Jason an accessory for it. Cheryl loves the idea. As they discuss this, their reflections are shown in the driver’s side rear-view mirror, even though they’re standing in front of the car. Anyway, Cheryl decides to get Jason his own separate, climate-controlled double garage with a live-in mechanic. Betty was thinking more like a car-vac. Cheryl opens the garage door, pushes Betty outside, thanks her, and invites her to come again. Betty is confused but goes along with it. I wouldn’t be sitting by the phone, waiting for her to call. Betty angrily wishes Cheryl a Merry Christmas and leaves. Cheryl doesn’t exactly wish her the same. She then wonders what to give up to afford the garage.

Later, in her bedroom, Cheryl considers selling stocks, bonds, jewelry, or cars. Bitch has a fucking wall safe in her room. Anyway, she finally comes to a decision.

Meanwhile, Jason has Cedric over, and they’re watching Sabrina on TV (yeah, ha, ha, but a simple explanation is she got on TV for whatever reason). Jason asks Cedric for ideas. Cedric asks about Cheryl’s interests. Jason says, besides making his life miserable, bossing others around. That gives Jason an idea. Cedric asks where he’ll get the cash from.

Possible typo: “And so, when Christmas arrived…” instead of “arrives”.

Jason and Cheryl thank their parents for their presents. Clifford reminds them of their gifts to each other. Cheryl points out the window, where Jason sees his new garage on a truck.

Jason gets choked up and thanks Cheryl. Clifford whispers to Penelope about his surprise that Jason’s actually showing emotion – as if he never shows any emotion at all. Jason whistles, and a complete staff for Cheryl’s mountain chalet arrives. Cheryl starts sobbing. The siblings hug each other and continue sobbing. Cliff asks why they’re “basket cases”. Guess what they each sold. Yeah. Hilarious.

Clifford compares this situation to “Gift of the Magi” by O. Henry. Cheryl amusingly thinks the author was named after the candy bar. Anyway, Penelope points out that, unlike the couple in the story, Cheryl and Jason are filthy rich. Clifford and Penelope are proud of their kids, but then Cheryl asks for another chalet for her birthday, and Jason asks for another Italian sports car. Clifford is upset, and Penelope throws up her hands and wishes him a Merry Christmas.

This story is pretty funny. I don’t have much else to say, except Part 1 is unusually short (at only four pages).

There’s a “Cheryl’s Christmas Style” fashion page after it, followed by a one-page story called “Occupied” in which Salem (yeah, Sabrina’s cat) ties up the restroom, because he doesn’t use a litter box.

Author: markmooreauthor

I love watching anime and superhero movies, and I love playing video games. I also write fan fiction and original fiction.

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