Comics – All Malled Out

Writer: Dan Parent*
Pencils: Dan Parent*
Inking: Jon D’Agostino*
Lettering: Bill Yoshida*
Coloring: Barry Grossman*
Editor: Victor Gorelick
Editor-in-Chief: Richard Goldwater
Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom, No. 19
Cover Date: February, 1999
Length: 5 pages

*Only the lead story in the issue is credited. I assume the credits apply to all of the stories.

Cheryl and Archie are at the mall. Cheryl gets angry upon seeing the mall Santa; she’s tired of seeing them. Archie agrees, saying it kind of over-commercializes the holiday. Cheryl doesn’t care about that; she just thinks the female perspective is shut out. Archie says Santa’s a guy. Cheryl asks about Mrs. Claus.

In comparing Mrs. Claus to Santa, Cheryl references “Wind Beneath My Wings“, which Archie seems dubious about (and amused by). Cheryl heads to the mall’s office to complain to management. The manager points out that Mrs. Claus doesn’t give gifts. Cheryl asks how he knows and then says she’ll represent Mrs. Claus by dressing up as her and taking children’s requests. The old man laughs it off. Cheryl says she’ll go to the news media regarding sex discrimination at the mall (and she also uses a dated, even for the time, “Film at 11” reference). The manager asks when she can start. Cheryl says tomorrow and leaves the office.

The next day, Cheryl shows up at the mall in a sexy Christmas outfit that she got in Paris. Cheryl drags her embarrassed “elf” (Archie) out from behind Santa’s chair. The manager goes along with it. Cheryl takes her seat and has her “elf” bring her the children.

Unfortunately, Cheryl thinks she knows better and suggests different gifts for the children, upsetting them. One boy flat-out rejects Cheryl and demands Santa Claus. Cheryl says he’s busy with his toys, and she’s the “head honcho”.

Just then, the regular mall Santa shows up and takes issue with that. He came to keep an eye on her. The two of them get into an argument (as if they’re the actual Clauses). An elf (not Archie) takes a picture of them yelling at each other.

Some time later, as she and Archie are walking along a sidewalk, Cheryl says, at least, she tried. Archie has a laugh as he shows her her “souvenir” photo. Cheryl says it’ll be great to show her children someday, though she seems neither pleased nor upset. Odd ending.

This story was okay, but the argument near the end was pretty weird.

Author: markmooreauthor

I love watching anime and superhero movies, and I love playing video games. I also write fan fiction and original fiction.

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