Comics – It’s the Thoughtlessness That Counts

World-of-Archie-Digest-94.jpgWriter: Francis Bonnet
Pencils: Bill Galvan
Inks: Ben Galvan
Colors: Glenn Whitmore
Letters: Jack Morelli
Original Publication: World of Archie Double Digest, No. 94
On-Sale Date: November 20, 2019
Length: 5 pages

Archie arrives home and is happy to see the gifts that he ordered online for everyone finally arrived, which he exposits to his dog, Vegas. He keeps talking to Vegas as he brings the gifts into the living room, and we learn, in typical Archie fashion, he waited until yesterday to order everything. How fucking lazy can you get?

Archie lets Vegas (who gives him puppy-dog eyes) distract him while he wraps and labels the presents. He loads the presents in a sack, puts on “the proper attire” (Santa caps for him and Vegas), and heads to Veronica’s house.

Veronica’s happy to see Archie, who wishes her a Merry Christmas. She soon becomes upset, though, when she unwraps a gold bracelet that reads “BETTY”. He tries to explain, but she throws that shit in his face and slams the door. Archie blames Vegas.

Archie drives up to Betty’s house just as she’s checking the mail. She’s happy to see him. He gives her a completely different, still-wrapped present and is shocked when she flips her shit and throws the gold “CHERYL” bracelet in his face. He tries to explain, but she goes into her house and slams the door. Archie guesses he “must have somehow mislabeled Betty’s gift, too”. What? Yes, that was abundantly clear back at Ronnie’s. What I think he means is he mislabeled Cheryl’s gift, too. The bigger question, though, is: Why the fuck didn’t Archie sit in his car and spend some time straightening out the gifts before heading to Betty’s?! Also, why the fuck did he give her a completely different gift?! Whatever, Archie gives up on Christmas.

In her bedroom, Betty’s lying on her bed and video-chatting with Veronica on her cell phone regarding Archie’s fuckery. Somehow, the girls convince themselves that it’s all okay, and Ronnie even suggests making peace with Archie and getting him “his own special gift” She has Betty meet her at the mall in twenty minutes.

Back at Archie’s, Archie’s sitting on the couch with Vegas in his lap (the only loving that he’s getting). There’s a knock at the door. Archie is surprised to find Betty and Veronica outside. They explain and present him with a “REGGIE” shirt, which he finds “absolutely perfect”.

This story was pretty meh. Archie fucked up twice. It’s not “just Archie being Archie” as Ronnie claims. He’s an inconsiderate fuckwad that doesn’t even try to correct his own mistakes.

Author: markmooreauthor

I love watching anime and superhero movies, and I love playing video games. I also write fan fiction and original fiction.

3 thoughts on “Comics – It’s the Thoughtlessness That Counts”

  1. And it’s just not Archie being a fuckwad
    The way they tried to make Betty and Veronica look they were overreacting fails since Archie never tries to fix his mistakes and not responsibility for them
    And it makes unintentionally them come off as sympathetic instead

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, he fucked up twice in THIS story. But let’s be honest, if you had to tally up all the times that Archie has been an inconsiderate fuckwad the number would be in the triple digits. The only real explanation to be derived here is that B & V have such ladyboners for the studly mojo master that they’ve reluctantly accepted this state of affairs as essentially irreversable… i.e. “just Archie being Archie”. He remains true to character, even if that character IS an inconsiderate fuckwad, and there’s no indication that that will ever change except for an isolated story or two — then it’s right back to being a fuckwad.

    I don’t blame Francis Bonnet; he’s just following the premise of the character established over decades. Archie, as a character, is boring enough as it is. I guess if he ever stopped being an inconsiderate fuckwad there’d be nothing at all left to write about him in stories. I mean, I can barely stomach the irregularly-ongoing “Archie is a total klutz”, “Archie pisses off Mr. Weatherbee/Mr. Lodge”, and “Archie has a heart of gold” tropes as it is.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Actually, the real problem here is in trying to read Archie stories and approach the characters as if they were REAL PEOPLE. This is just another in the innumerable examples of why that will NEVER work. They’re not realistic characters, they’re CARTOON characters. The sooner you accept that, the less pissed off you’ll be.

    Liked by 1 person

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