Writers: Dan Parent
Pencils: Dan Parent
Inking: Rudy Lapick
Lettering: Bill Yoshida*
Coloring: Barry Grossman*
Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom (Summertime Fun**), No. 3
Cover Date: November, 1995
Length: 2 pages
Although I have the original issue, I’m reviewing this story from the digital edition.
*These are uncredited; I assume the same people that did the rest of the issue did this story as well; Grand Comics Database seems to agree.
**The various Cheryl Blossom miniseries that preceded her ongoing series were simply named Cheryl Blossom, but they have unofficial names. This first miniseries has been referred to as Cheryl Blossom: Summer Fun, but it’s listed on Amazon as Cheryl Blossom: Summertime Fun.
Okay, this is odd. In between Part 3 and Part 4 of “Beach Blanket Blossom” (the feature story in this issue) is this little 2-pager. Why they stuck it here, I’m not sure. I can understand not wanting to end the issue (and the miniseries) on something so trite, but they could have stuck it at the beginning of the issue instead of where it ended up going, disrupting the flow of the main story. So is this the last story of this miniseries? When does it occur? Who knows? Let’s get into it.
Cheryl is…somewhere (presumably an office building of some kind). She’s waiting for the elevator. The door opens, and a happy Jughead is standing inside and asks her if she’s going up. A worried Cheryl asks what she did to deserve this. She gets inside and tells him to keep his distance.
Suddenly, there’s a sound. A worried Cheryl asks about it. Jughead says the elevator’s stuck. She tells him to call for help. Doesn’t she carry her cell phone around with her? I know this was published in 1995, but Cheryl’s rich, and Zack Morris had a cell phone in 1989. Anyway, Jughead picks up the receiver on the old rotary-dial phone in the elevator (seriously?) and says it’s dead. He says they’ll have to just wait for help. Cheryl gets all melodramatic, falling to her knees and pretending to asphyxiate. Jughead insults her.
Cheryl gets to her feet, insults Jughead, and gets out a mint to eat. A happy Jughead asks her for one. Cheryl wants to negotiate for a trade. Jughead says he won’t insult her for five minutes. That doesn’t impress her. Jughead sexually assaults Cheryl. Showing remarkable restraint, Cheryl merely yells at him.
Jughead points at a camera in the elevator and blackmails Cheryl, threatening to show the tape to everyone. Cheryl calls it what it is (blackmail) and angrily tosses the rest of her roll of mints to him. Jughead has the audacity to ask her for gum.
So this story was…weird. So, so weird. It almost feels like one of those ads masquerading as a story, but there’s no brand name mentioned. Also, Jughead’s idea makes no sense. He planned to blackmail Cheryl by showing everywhere video footage (from a camera that he doesn’t own) of him forcing himself on Cheryl and kissing her against her will. What in the actual fuck? Finally, why does Cheryl just give up her mints? She should have just eaten them all in front of him.