Writer: Holly G! (Holly Golightly)*
Pencils: Holly G!*
Inking: Jim Amash*
Lettering: Bill Yoshida*
Coloring: Stephanie Vozzo*
Editor: Victor Gorelick
Editor-in-Chief: Richard Goldwater
Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom, No. 34
Cover Date: September, 2000
Length: 5 pages
*Only the lead story in the issue is credited. I assume the credits apply to all of the stories.
Before I get into the review, if you happen to be staying at home during this time and are looking for something to watch, check out the series Barbie Dreamhouse Adventures on Netflix. I recently started watching it, and it’s actually pretty funny. The best part? America Young (Betty on Archie’s Weird Mysteries) voices Barbie!
At the Fresh office, Cheryl is drawing at an easel. She tells the “guys” (a blonde girl with glasses and a black girl) that she’s got a great idea for their next issue. The black girl asks what it is. Cheryl says they’re going to do a “teen quiz”. I’m not sure why “teen quiz” is in quotes, but whatever.
As Cheryl explains, this is so their readers will know how much that they’re like Cheryl. Her coworkers (minions?) nervously go along with it. Cheryl has drawn up some ideas, so they can take a look. The blonde girl asks Cheryl to walk them through the quiz. Cheryl happily agrees. The reader chooses from A, B, or C for each question. At the end of the quiz, add up your scores and find out if you’re just like Cheryl.
Then…okay, this isn’t a story; it’s a quiz thinly disguised as a story. The last three pages are the quiz itself. I’ll just type it out (feel free to play along):
Question #1: Which shoes would you wear?
C. fun & funky
Question #2: If you saw two dresses that you loved, would you…
A. put them both on Daddy’s charge card!
B. buy one, put a deposit on the other!
C. buy both and matching purses too!
Question #3: What kind of dog would you want?
A. a snooty show-dog
B. a loyal and loveable mutt
C. a perky pup
Question #4: What kind of snack do you like?
A. cheese & crackers!
B. chips & soda
C. cold pizza
Question #5: Who would you date?
A. Archie or Reggie
B. Just Archie
C. a famous movie star
Question #6: What style do you wear?
Question #7: When you’re blue you…
A. go shopping!
B. work in the garden or bake!
C. listen to cool music!
Question #8: What kind of jewelry do you wear?
A. expensive & chic!
C. the newest look out!
Question #9: What kind of perfume do you like?
A. Moonlight Night
B. Baby Bright
C. Funky Fruity Fumes
Question #10: What kind of career would you want?
A. fashion model!
B. school teacher!
C. pop singer!
Question #11: How do you wear your hair?
B. simple, easy to do!
C. any new way you can!
Question #12: If you were a flower, what kind would you be?
A. American Beauty Rose
C. Tiger Lily
Question #13: When on a date, you…
A. have your date pay!
B. share the bill!
C. treat them to the meal!
Cheryl tells us to add up our scores.
If you have 5 or more As, you are very Veronica.
If you have 5 or more Bs, you’re extremely Betty.
If you have 5 or more Cs, you’re remarkably Cheryl.
So, yeah, this was barely a story. Cheryl’s coworkers don’t even appear after the second page. Also, certain answers might not necessarily be limited to one girl, or they might choose different answers (depending on their mood). Most importantly, though, while I can accept Fresh readers know who Cheryl is, how in the fuck does she expect them to know her friends and their love interests?
Oh, well, we do learn some interesting facts about Cheryl: she likes eating cold pizza, wearing “funky” things, and going to Japanese restaurants. Betty and Archie are shown eating at Burger World instead of Pop’s, which is weird.