Writer: Dan Parent*
Pencils: Dan Parent*
Inking: Jon D’Agostino*
Lettering: Bill Yoshida*
Coloring: Barry Grossman*
Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom, No. 4
Cover Date: August, 1997
Length: 6 pages
*Only the lead story in the issue is credited. I assume the credits apply to all of the stories.
Although I have the original issue, I’m reviewing this story from the digital edition.
At Club Blossom, Louella happily notes they’re busy today. Cheryl feels something is missing; she’s not satisfied. Louella is confused over Cheryl not being satisfied with a busy inn that makes money. Cheryl says she’s “suffering from celebrity withdrawal”. Louella’s like “What the fuck?!” Cheryl says it’s been weeks since any celebrities have shown up.
Louella says they can’t put out an ad for celebrities to stay here. Cheryl sees a tabloid on a table. She opens to the “Paparazzi Page”, because she loves the paparazzi and the pictures that they take of celebrities. As she explains to Louella, she just needs to get photographed and appear in the paper, and then she’ll become a “big name”. Um, Cheryl was already stated to have been all over tabloid TV (related to her previous exploits) in just the previous issue. Is she worried that people have already forgotten about her? Anyway, Cheryl says, soon, “everyone will want to hang at the cool girl’s inn”. So she wants to be considered a celebrity in order to draw celebrities to her inn. Okay, fine, by why not take out an ad in the various entertainment magazines, advertising your business and listing the celebrities that have already stayed here and the bands that have performed here?
Louella questions if the paparazzi will warm up to Cheryl. Cheryl intends to hire them.
Soon, Cheryl has dressed up for a night out and brings along two photogs named Fernando and Rene. She tells them to take her to “where the pretty people are”. One of them tells her that there’s a party at “the Ritz” (which could be referring to any number of hotels, but this seems the most likely), and everyone will be there. What’s stupid is they’re having this conversation as they’re arriving at the Ritz! Cheryl reminds them of the job that she hired them for: they’ll get big bucks for taking pictures of her with a “hotshot”. Cheryl sees a George Clooney knockoff (star of an ER knockoff) and pretends to slip and fall against him. A photog snaps a pic.
Cheryl then sees knockoffs of Winona Ryder, Alicia Silverstone, and Gwyneth Paltrow in a “gabfest” and decides to join in. She gets all handsy with Alicia and Winona. An angry Alicia’s like “Who the fuck is she?” Cheryl accidentally calls Alicia “Winona” (this might be an error) and has to remind a photog to snap the pic. Cheryl spots a knockoff of Tom Cruise, but a photog warns he’s “very elusive”. Tom threatens to sue them, if they don’t back off. Cheryl finds this “cool” and then shoves the photog away for no apparent reason. Well, that’s rude. Cheryl falls backwards and knocks glasses off a waiter’s tray. Her other photog snaps a pic.
Cheryl guesses she overdid it but is actually pleased, guessing she’ll be in all of the papers. Cheryl spots a knockoff of Antonio Banderas and decides to try to kiss him. She tells a photog to get his camera ready. He advises against it, but she doesn’t heed his warning. She kisses Antonio on the cheek. His angry girlfriend comes over and splashes her drink on Cheryl’s dress. Cheryl’s other photog snaps a pic. Even though it didn’t go as planned, Cheryl’s happy, because the press “loves a good fight”.
The next day, at Club Blossom, Cheryl asks Louella if she made the Paparazzi Page. Louella says yes. However, Cheryl is shocked to see they didn’t print any of her stuff, just some other paparazzi following her with her paparazzi (she forgot about the “real” paparazzi). The headline reads “Desperate Cheryl Blossom Hires Own Paparazzi In Attempt For Fame!” Louella points out that knockoffs of Claudia Schiffer and David Copperfield have arrived. Cheryl is happy that celebrities are showing up. It turns out that Claudia was specifically searching for the business of “that crackpot in the paper”. Cheryl blushes, smiles, shrugs, and goes with it.
This story was pretty cute, but Cheryl lucked out in this case. Celebrities could have just as easily boycotted her business.