Comics – Water Songs!

Betty-and-Veronica-Double-Digest-Magazine-295Writer: Jamie L. Rotante
Pencils: Dan Parent
Inks: Jim Amash
Colors: Glenn Whitmore
Letters: Jack Morelli
Original Publication: Betty and Veronica Jumbo Comics (Double Digest Magazine), No. 295
On-Sale Date: July 14, 2021
Length: 5

Betty and Veronica attend the Riverdale Mermaid Day celebration in Pickens Park. Um, either Riverdale delayed the celebration for social distancing reasons, or this story was meant to be published around four months earlier. Anyway, the girls are dressed up as swashbucklers for the “big day”. Betty can’t believe they’re finally old enough to work at the Riverdale Mermaid Festival. She wonders why Ronnie isn’t excited. Ronnie had hoped they’d gotten roles as mermaids.

Betty is perfectly content with “selling lemonade as “scallywags”. They go to the lemonade stand and get to work. Archie and Jughead show up, dressed in some rather half-assed costumes (Jughead especially). Archie asks if they’ve seen this year’s new Mermaid Queen. Jughead asks if they’ve seen this year’s new clams casino stand. Betty is in love with the role of the Mermaid Queen, who is “always so magical”. Ronnie gets a tummy ache at the thought of eating clams at a festival. On the stage, a figure dressed as Poseidon introduces the Mermaid Queen, who turns out to be Cheryl. She’s dressed as a mermaid and wearing a gold crown shaped liked seashells.

Cheryl wants a free lemonade from the “wenches”. Ronnie’s upset, but either she or Betty give Cheryl a glass of lemonade. Cheryl spits out the lemonade in disgust, calling it too bitter and insulting Ronnie and Betty. Betty advises Ronnie to just ignore Cheryl. Ronnie starts listing the benefits that Cheryl has. Betty reminds her that it’s for only one day and advises against feeding Cheryl’s ego. Ronnie’s pissed, which Betty mistakes for “pirate spirit”. A boy asks for an extra drop of sugar in his lemonade. Betty jokingly sings one line about it in sea-shanty style, which the crowd immediately goes wild for. An excited Ronnie tells Betty to keep singing.

Betty and Ronnie start singing about squeezing fresh lemons…over…and over…and over again. They follow that up with a line about a thirsty sailor…over…and over…and over again. The crowd goes nuts for this shit. Meanwhile, Cheryl sings one line about a prince off key, and everyone runs away from her. The crowd starts dancing to Betty and Ronnie’s repeated line about a thirsty sailor. Cheryl angrily declares “This must be stopped!”

Cheryl starts singing off key again, and the crowd screams in agony. Then they suddenly run away from all three girls. Ronnie blames Cheryl, but Betty’s surprised that the crowd is actually running toward another singer, whose voice Archie describes as “like magic”. It’s Sabrina, who’s dressed as a mermaid and sitting on her own private stage with her own sound system. She had decided to sing in order to “save the day”. Um, sure. Did she just decide to do this and conjure all of this up within the span of a few seconds?

This story was pretty meh. Why would a crowd get so worked up about two girls singing songs that aren’t, y’know, in any way good?

Author: markmooreauthor

I love watching anime and superhero movies, and I love playing video games. I also write fan fiction and original fiction.

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