Comics – Wedded Blitz!

Writer: Dan Parent*
Pencils: Dan Parent*
Inking: Jon D’Agostino*
Coloring: Barry Grossman*
Lettering: Bill Yoshida*
Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom, No. 7
Cover Date: November, 1997
Length: 5 pages

*Only the lead story in the issue is credited. I assume the credits apply to all of the stories.

Although I have the original issue, I’m reviewing this story from the digital edition.

Cheryl is sitting on a couch at the inn, bored. Louella comes by and asks what’s the matter. Cheryl says, after such an exciting summer, everything is so dull. Louella likes that, saying it’s nice and quiet. Cheryl says they need something to perk things up. After Cheryl’s “recent shenanigans”, Louella wants to keep things safe and calm.

Ignoring her, Cheryl wants to come up with something. Louella sees a Days of Our Lives knockoff; two of the characters are getting married. This gives Cheryl the idea to have a celebrity wedding at the inn to generate some publicity. She rushes off to make some phone calls.

Soon (or so the caption claims, even though Cheryl and Louella have changed clothes), Cheryl tells Louella that two actors that star on an All My Children knockoff date in real life and have agreed to marry in the inn and use the footage for the show. Louella asks if there’ll be a barrage of paparazzi here. Cheryl happily confirms it and goes to start getting herself ready, despite the fact that they can’t be taping the episode today.

Later, at the wedding, Louella is impressed with how the inn looks. Cheryl is impressed with how Cheryl looks. Louella likes how the bride and groom look, but Cheryl isn’t as impressed. Cheryl does go to congratulate the couple for a good photo op. Cheryl goes over and wishes the couple many years of happiness. The bride thanks Cheryl for the use of her “beautiful” inn. Cheryl says the publicity won’t hurt either, and the bride feels awkward. Oh, and the groom gets a boner for Cheryl.

Cheryl excuses herself to “manage these simpletons”, because a “genius’ work is never done”. Cheryl goes to put on her “next outfit”, but then the groom comes by to “thank” Cheryl for all of her help. He then sexually assaults Cheryl by grabbing her and kissing her against her will. Cheryl reminds him that he’s getting married in 15 minutes and asks him what his fucking problem is. He says it’s “just for publicity” but then adds he’d “really like to get to know [her] better”. So which is it, asshole? Cheryl tells the “loser” that she doesn’t “do those things” (meaning being involved in an extramarital relationship, I guess). Cheryl thinks the camera in front of them is running. I suppose she’s had plenty of experience with video cameras at this point.

Cheryl asks the camera operator to run the tape from camera 6 on a monitor for all to see. Cheryl has the bride watch it. Initially, the bride is angry at Cheryl, but, after watching the whole tape, she turns her anger on the groom. She chases him. Cheryl happily notes this is a field day for the tabloids.

Later, Cheryl happily shows some publicity to Jason (including a photo of herself) and says it couldn’t have worked out better. Jason is upset that Cheryl has gotten her face in “every magazine”.

This story was pretty funny, but that guy was a real creep! Good for Cheryl for exposing him!

Author: markmooreauthor

I love watching anime and superhero movies, and I love playing video games. I also write fan fiction and original fiction.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: