Writer: Dan Parent*
Pencils: Dan Parent*
Inking: Jon D’Agostino*
Coloring: Barry Grossman*
Lettering: Bill Yoshida*
Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom, No. 8
Cover Date: January, 1998
Length: 5 pages
*Only the lead story in the issue is credited. I assume the credits apply to all of the stories.
Although I have the original issue, I’m reviewing this story from the digital edition.
Cheryl is hanging out at home, reading a fashion magazine. Penelope comes in with the Madonna knockoff, who has her baby with her. Madonna is breaking up with her husband, because he can’t handle her fame. Okay, but why is she coming to Cheryl?
Madonna lists all of the things that she gives him but is clueless as to why he says he’s losing his individuality. Cheryl says men feel threatened by superstars and “need to be in charge sometimes”. Madonna’s husband (Jose) walks in (who let him in? and how’d he know to look for her here?). She’s happy that he came after her. He says they need to get away and suggests Cheryl watch their baby. Cheryl is shocked.
Cheryl says she isn’t good with babies but notes the baby does seem to like her. Madonna says it’ll just be overnight, and they’ll get her first thing in the morning. Cheryl agrees to babysit. As soon as Madonna leaves, the baby (she keeps calling her Pumpkin, but it’s not clear if that’s her actual name or a nickname) starts crying. Cheryl tries to calm her by showing her videos and pictures of herself (Cheryl). That doesn’t work, so Cheryl suggests playing games.
But then Cheryl discovers the problem is a soiled diaper. She asks her parents for help, but they’re off to Aunt Erma’s. She asks Jason, but he’s staying over at Tom’s tonight, and he gave all of the servants the night off, which I’m sure he doesn’t have the authority to do. Cheryl changes the diaper on her own – while leaving the baby lying naked on a bed. Wait, why do the Blossoms have a baby crib (it has a Blossom on it)? Did it used to be Cheryl’s or Jason’s? If so, why’d they hold onto it?
The baby keeps Cheryl up all night with her crying. Cheryl actually gives the baby a liter of soda, because they’re out of milk. They also run out of diapers, so Cheryl uses paper towels instead. Wait, why do the Blossoms even have diapers? Are they for use by servants that have babies? The baby also starts teething.
The next morning, Madonna and her husband search the mansion and find Cheryl asleep on a bed with the baby sitting on top of her, happy. Madonna thanks her. Cheryl says anytime. As she and her husband leave, Madonna decides they’ll do this again next weekend. Cheryl is shocked.
This story was pretty funny, but the setup was completely unrealistic. There’s no way that Madonna would come to Cheryl with her marital problems, immediately reconcile with her husband, randomly agree to go out overnight, and leave her baby with Cheryl, who might or might not be a qualified babysitter.
Riverdale Reviewed 