Writer: Dan Parent*
Pencils: Dan Parent*
Inking: Jon D’Agostino*
Coloring: Barry Grossman*
Lettering: Bill Yoshida*
Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom, No. 18
Cover Date: January, 1999
Length: 5 pages
*Only the lead story in the issue is credited. I assume the credits apply to all of the stories.
Although I have the original issue, I’m reviewing this story from the digital edition.
Cheryl is in…some class (whatever it is, there are instructions on the board to read pages 3-950 of Encyclopaedia Brittanica). The teacher (who I definitely recognize but isn’t named yet) gives the students their assignment: take care of an egg like a child. I know this is a common plot in fiction, but did any schools actually do this? Anyway, Cheryl questions the point of it and doesn’t give a shit. She’s worried about it putting a crimp in her free time.
On another day, at breakfast (I guess), Jason makes fun of Cheryl (who has her egg on a pillow). He decides to “test Cheryl’s reflexes” by throwing an egg at her, hitting her. In retaliation (and without thinking), Cheryl picks up her egg and throws it at him, hitting him. She’s upset at what she’s done. She blames Jason and, in tears, calls herself “childless”.
The next day, Cheryl drives to school with her replacement egg securely fastened with a seatbelt in the passenger seat next to her. We learn her teacher is named Ms. Hampton, and she gave Cheryl another chance. Cheryl notices a new boutique has opened and tells “Junior” that she’ll be right back.
She’s in the boutique for two hours (it was “exhilarating”). Junior has been cooked in the sun. Jason comes by and makes fun of her. What is it with this series and Jason always showing up at opportune times to either overhear crucial information or make fun of Cheryl? It’s getting really annoying. Anyway, Cheryl tells Jason to shut the fuck up and says he could have saved “him”. Jason says he’s “not one to interfere”.
On another day, as Cheryl is walking along outside the estate, she says she’s not cut out for parenting and has an idea to use a knockoff of a Fabergé egg (which, unlike the real deal, looks like a regular egg). She claims it won’t break and says parenting is frustrating.
In class, Ms. Hampton asks how it’s going with Junior. Cheryl trips on her way to Ms. Hampton’s desk, and the egg slips out of her hand and bounces on the desk. Despite looking just like a regular egg, Ms. Hampton correctly guesses what it is. Cheryl says it’s the only egg that she can’t break. Ms. Hampton has Cheryl give it one more try and think about what she must do to take the best care of her child. Cheryl has an idea. A random female student rolls her eyes, but I’m not sure why.
The next day, in the hall, Ms. Hampton asks Cheryl where the baby is. Cheryl reveals she hired a nanny, Helga, to take care of her child, because “the best care for [her] baby is to hire the best care available”. Ms. Hampton angrily admits she thinks Cheryl’s got her.
This story was okay – if a bit cliched.