Writer: Frank Doyle*
Pencils: Dan DeCarlo*
Inks: Jimmy DeCarlo*
Colors: Barry Grossman*
Letters: Bill Yoshida*
Original Publication: Archie’s Girls Betty and Veronica, No. 327
Cover Date: December, 1983
Length: 5 pages
I’m reviewing this story from the digital edition, which came out on August 17, 2022.
Veronica and Betty run into each other outside somewhere while on their way to convince Archie to take them to the movies tonight. They both want to see a new movie called Macho Man. They continue arguing as they look for Archie.
They go into Pop’s, because Archie’s always here at this time, but Pop says he just left with Cheryl, which worries them. Ronnie calls Pop “Pops”, which is weird. As the girls leave Pop’s, they argue over who slowed who “up”, which is odd phrasing. They both let out an “Eep!” of horror as they see Archie riding off with Cheryl in her blue sports car. Ronnie yells at Betty, but Betty suggests they “join forces” over their “mutual enemy”. Ronnie agrees.
Betty spouts some motivational shit. Ronnie declares “We have seen the enemy and they are Cheryl! Go forth and smite her mightly!” That’s not even grammatically correct, bitch. Ronnie believes Cheryl has a car phone and asks Betty for confirmation. Betty confirms it. How does Betty know? Anyway, Ronnie calls Cheryl. I notice Cheryl has a habit of calling Archie “luv”. Anway, Ronnie tells Cheryl that “that gold digging townie girl” is marrying Jason at city hall. Cheryl is shocked and tells Archie about the “cheap townie”, which offends him.
Cheryl stops her car and shoves Archie out right in front of Ronnie and Betty, despite the fact that she’d passed them earlier. An amused Ronnie exclaims “Well, fan mah brow, Betty girl!” This weird Southerny dialogue is typical of Frank Doyle. Did he have a massive, raging boner for Southern girls or something? Archie yells at Cheryl as she drives off, calling Jason a “decadent snob”. As Archie walks into Pop’s, Ronnie guesses he’s “out of sorts with Cheryl baby”. Betty says “The hot place has no fury like an Archie scorned!” This is a perfect example of self-censorship making a line feel lame. If you’re not gonna have Betty say “Hell”, don’t bring up the line in the first place. Anyway, Ronnie slaps Betty five. Betty wants to celebrate their victory, but Ronnie wants to put it off ’til tomorrow, because she still wants to pick up Archie and take him to the movies tonight. Betty’s shocked and upset.
The girls get into another argument and miss out when Jughead decides to take Archie to see Macho Man. Betty butchers a Robert Burns quote. Ronnie says losing Archie to Cheryl would be “excusable”, but she gets a headache over losing Archie to Jughead.
This story was pretty funny. Betty and Ronnie acted like a couple idiots and ended up as losers. Good.