Writer: Dan Parent
Pencils: Dan Parent
Inking: Jim Amash
Colors: Glenn Whitmore
Letters: Jack Morelli
Original Publication: Archie Jumbo Comics Digest, No. 333
On-Sale Date: September 7, 2022
This doesn’t seem to be a story. An unseen narrator talks about triangles while we see a bunch of triangles, hearts, and disembodied heads. This is about love triangles, you see. The Archie, Betty, and Veronica triangle is “the most well known in Riverdale”.
Other triangles include, Betty, Adam, Trev; Reggie, Eliza, Harper; Moose, Midge, Reggie; and Kevin, Devin, Paul. These are equilateral triangles, since the three sides are equal.
However, Archie, Betty, and Veronica form a scalene (or isosceles) triangle – with Archie always being the weakest.
Add Cheryl, and it becomes a rectangle or trapezoid. Add Valerie for a pentagon and Midge for a hexagon. Wait, Midge? Since when does Archie date Midge?
It turns out that Jughead is the one narrating this shit to…someone…while on his way to Pop’s. He talks about the circle, which he calls “simple, yet perfect”. The only triangles that he deals with are slices of pepperoni pizza.
Well…that was incredibly lazy. Seriously, nothing even really happened. No character except Jughead actually appeared, and he just talked about how the teen relationships in Riverdale are absurdly complex.
By the way, if you don’t know some of these characters’ names, don’t worry. They barely get any amount of time in the stories as it is. Archie Comics seems to love to introduce a bunch of new characters and then barely do anything with them.