Comics – He-Mail

Writer: Holly G! (Holly Golightly)
Pencils: Holly G!
Inking: Jim Amash
Lettering: Bill Yoshida
Coloring: Barry Grossman
Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom, No. 24
Cover Date: August, 1999
Length: 11 pages

Although I have the original issue, I’m reviewing this story from the digital edition.

Cheryl is sitting at her computer and is delighted to discover she’s gotten a new e-mail from “him”. Cheryl’s outfit is by Tiffany Deobald of Kindersley, Sash, Canada.

She gets up and dances throughout the mansion. Jason, who’s reading a comic book somewhere, believes Cheryl’s “totally gone wacko”. Cheryl confirms she’s “wacko in love”.

Jason makes fun of her, and Cheryl welcomes it and hugs him, which grosses him out. Cheryl’s in love, but she’s not sure with who. She was matched with a young man from Riverdale High by an “on-line pen pal program” hosted by Pembrooke and Riverdale schools. They’ve been “exchanging e-mail”. Jason laughs at for “using a dating service”, but an angry Cheryl corrects him. By the way, Cheryl’s eye color switches between blue and green in this story.

The idea behind the program is they “get to know each other without everyday details getting in the way”. Her “e-mail buddy” admires her mind, which explains why she’s in love. Oh, we learn Cheryl is 3 minutes older than Jason.

Cheryl says Jason just doesn’t “understand the romance that burns in a girl’s heart”. She leaves, bothering Jason no longer with her “intriguing life”. Jason doesn’t give a shit.

Cheryl goes to her bedroom and lies on her bed. It looks like she has a Hello Kitty pillow or stuffed toy. Sugar is on the bed as well, holding a bone with a blue ribbon on it (similar to the blue bow in her hair). We get this absolute gem of a thought from Cheryl: “Jason is as romantic as a shaven hamster! Why do I bother sharing my deep and complicated self with him?” She hears a mail notification on her laptop. It’s her “cyber-sweetie”. We learn Cheryl’s user name is “Red Rose”, and her mystery man’s user name is “Megabyte”. He asks her what she’s doing on June 8th, because he wants her to go to the Riverdale Prom with him. Oh, I realize the layout of Cheryl’s bedroom changes in, like, every story, but now it seems her bedroom wall is a series of windows that overlook the beach. So the Blossom mansion is beachfront property?

Cheryl debates whether meeting him will blow the romance, but his letters are “so wonderful”, and he’s “obviously smitten with [her] genius mind”. She’s gonna give him “a load of the rest of the Blossom bundle”. She wonders if it’s Archie, Reggie (he looks good in a tux), or Jughead (she’s disgusted). This is “just too romantic to resist”.

On the night of the prom, Cheryl’s all made up, much to the exhaustion of two of her maids. Cheryl’s hair was designed by Jennifer Shin of Fountain Valley, California.

In his last e-mail (which Cheryl had printed out), her mystery man suggested they wear red roses (in honor of her e-mail name), so they can recognize each other. She picks a rose from an arrangement and puts it in her hair. Then she tells Cheri (one of the maids, I guess) to tell Jamie to pull the red limo around front. She goes to meet her “Internet Romeo”.

At Riverdale High School, Veronica and Betty notice the limo arrive. Betty says it’s longer than Ronnie’s swimming pool. They’re shocked and horrified when Cheryl gets out. Why? Granted, this red limo is missing the various blossoms seen previously, but surely Betty and Ronnie recognize Cheryl’s limo by now. Anyway, Ronnie and Betty possessively grab hold of Archie, their shared prom date, but Cheryl notices he’s not wearing a red rose and declares “Archie’s safe tonight!” She goes into the gym and notices Jughead’s wearing a daisy, and “Reg” is wearing a carnation.

Not finding a guy with a red rose, Cheryl goes outside, guessing maybe someone was playing a joke on her. Then a guy behind her, holding a red rose, asks about the red rose in her hair. Cheryl is excited, but then she turns around and is heartbroken to see who it is: Dilton Doiley. Ditto for Dilton upon seeing Cheryl. They’re both in disbelief. Apparently, Dilton found Cheryl’s e-mails “deep, intelligent and sensitive”.

He calls her arrogant. She calls him an “undergrown Einstein”. He calls her brain a “sterile classroom”, and he calls her a “spoiled brat”. She calls him an “egghead”. They stare at each other for a while longer and then burst out laughing. Cheryl remembers the phrase, “You can’t judge a book by its cover!”

Dilton gives Cheryl the rose. She thanks him. I don’t know where she puts it after they go inside. Archie is surprised to see Cheryl and Dilton together. An upset Reggie is his usual obnoxious self around Cheryl. Cheryl tells him to fuck off. Cheryl and Dilton dance together.

This story was pretty nice. I bet you never thought you’d see Cheryl and Dilton as a couple.


In the middle of the story is a page of Cheryl fan art (with entries from Rachel Williams of Jamaica; Felisha Thomas of Carson, California; Kristie Breitwiser of Hinvella, Georgia; and Daniella Farah of Northbrook, Illinois).

After the story is a 1-page Archie story titled “Hurry Flurry” and a 1-page Cheryl story titled “Pup Art”. The latter story is credited to Holly G! and Jim Amash. Cheryl’s outfit is by Bethany Sellers of China-Spring, Texas. Cheryl carries Sugar into the art gallery, because “every educated young lady should learn about art”. A security guard stops her, because no pets are allowed. According to Cheryl, Sugar is no pet; she’s a purebred Pomeranian. He doesn’t make an exception. Cheryl has an idea. She takes out her cell phone, calls Jamie, and tells her to bring her hairdresser to the front of the art gallery. Might this be Rene? Anyway, Cheryl sneaks Sugar into the art gallery in her hair. Cheryl looks at a painting and tells Sugar to look at the use of color. The security guard is confused. Cute story.

Author: markmooreauthor

I love watching anime and superhero movies, and I love playing video games. I also write fan fiction and original fiction.

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