Comics – Identity Crisis

Writer: Holly G! (Holly Golightly)*
Pencils: Holly G!*
Inking: John Lowe*
Lettering: Bill Yoshida*
Coloring: Barry Grossman*
Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom, No. 27
Cover Date: November, 1999
Length: 6 pages

*Only the lead story in the issue is credited. I assume the credits apply to all of the stories.

Although I have the original issue, I’m reviewing this story from the digital edition.

Well, it looks like we’re getting an extra page in this story to make up for the shortfall in the lead story.

Jason still doesn’t know what to wear to Betty’s Halloween party, so Cheryl is taking him to a store called The Halloween Scene (which they had to make an appointment for). The owner/employee/whoever is dressed like Elvira but with red hair. The woman checks her appointment book and, for no reason except to advance the plot, says Veronica and Archie were here before them. Cheryl’s worried, because Ronnie got her costume here, but then she has a “devilishly clever idea” and grins evilly. By the way, Cheryl has blue eyes in this story.

On Halloween night, at the mansion, Cheryl is dressed in the same costume that Ronnie has: some spider-themed superheroine. Jason is dressed as Zorro.

Jason took a cue from Cheryl: just as she will trick Archie that she’s Veronica, Jason will try to get a little somethin’-somethin’ from Betty. Cheryl calls him Lark of Zorro, which is pretty funny, but it annoys him.

Cheryl’s red, blossom-covered limo takes them to Betty’s house. They’re “fashionably late” and decide to slip in and “begin the fun”. Cheryl spots her “target”: Archie (who’s dressed as Zorro). Jason is smitten with Betty, who “looks like a princess”. Cheryl flirts with Archie, calling him “Archiekins”. Archie assumes she’s Ronnie, because he’s a fucking dumbass that can’t tell his girlfriends’ voices apart, and gives her her soda.

Cheryl takes Archie out on the patio to gaze at the harvest moon. Jason moves in on Betty, who’s tending the punch bowl. Betty reminds “Archie” that he’s Ronnie’s date, but Jason sweet-talks her, and she instantly drops her morals. Ronnie comes by, sees “Archie” kissing Betty full on the lips, and flips her shit. Jason tries to force himself on Ronnie, which breaks Betty’s heart.

Jason kisses Ronnie full on the lips, and a pissed-off Betty calls him a “two-timing two-timer”. Jason then kisses “fair Betty” full on the lips, which pisses off both girls. Jason then makes a dramatic “getaway” (he just runs off with his sword raised). The girls give chase. Holly mistakenly has Ronnie use “fair” instead of “fare”.

Jason runs out onto the patio, past Archie and Cheryl. Ronnie and Betty arrive. Ronnie is shocked to see Archie with another girl. Archie is surprised to see Ronnie. Cheryl is worried. Ronnie unmasks Cheryl, hurting her in the process, and Cheryl tells her to watch it. Ronnie and Betty are pissed at Archie. Betty believes he’s been with three girls tonight. Archie runs away, claiming ignorance.

Betty asks Cheryl, “Can you believe the nerve of that guy?” Cheryl nervously claims she didn’t know Archie had a date with Ronnie (which, really, I suppose there was no way that she would know for sure). Jason arrives in a different costume and wishes Betty and Cheryl a Happy Halloween. Betty wishes him a Happy Halloween but isn’t happy. Cheryl is surprised that Jason changed his costume. Jason asks Betty what’s wrong. Betty says Archie ruined her night. Jason offers to cheer up his “poor, pretty princess”. Betty smiles and calls Jason “such a prince”. Cheryl is pissed and says she doesn’t have a date now. As he walks off with Betty, Jason makes a trick-or-treat pun, which further angers Cheryl.

This story was pretty fun, but it’s a leap in logic for Cheryl to assume Ronnie and Archie were gonna be each other’s dates just because they bought their Halloween costumes together (or one directly after the other). Also, Archie, Betty, and Ronnie fail at recognizing the voices of people that they hang out with on a regular basis.

Author: markmooreauthor

I love watching anime and superhero movies, and I love playing video games. I also write fan fiction and original fiction.

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