Comics – Behind the 8-Ball

Writer: Holly G! (Holly Golightly)*
Pencils: Holly G!*
Inking: John Lowe*
Lettering: Bill Yoshida*
Coloring: Barry Grossman*
Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom, No. 29
Cover Date: February, 2000
Length: 6 pages

*Only the lead story in the issue is credited. I assume the credits apply to all of the stories.

Although I have the original issue, I’m reviewing this story from the digital edition.

Cheryl (whose eyes are blue in this story) is in her mom’s closet and asks her if she can borrow her new handbag. Penelope lets her. When Cheryl takes the bag, “an original fortune-telling eight-ball” rolls out from behind it. Cheryl finds it “groovy”.

Cheryl asks her mom (who’s sitting at her vanity) for permission to use the ball. Penelope lets her. Cheryl goes to her bedroom and lies on her bed. Sugar stands up on her hind legs, holds on to the bed, and sniffs the ball. Cute. 🙂 I wanna discuss the layout of Cheryl’s bedroom for a bit. We know room (and house) layouts change from story to story, but this is really drastic. You know how, in previous stories, Cheryl’s room overlooked a beach? It now overlooks a grassy area with what look like pine trees, and there’s a mountain range in the distance. We went from beach to mountains! Also, Cheryl now has pet fish, and the aquarium is built into the wall next to the window.

Anyway, Cheryl asks Sugar what they should ask the ball first. She asks it if Archie Andrews is thinking of her and shakes the ball. The response is “Without a Doubt”. Cheryl is delighted. Her cell phone rings. She looks over at it, wondering who could be calling. Sugar jumps on the bed and lets out a “Yip!” at it. Cheryl answers the call and gives her name, which I wouldn’t do, personally. Sugar is curious.

It’s Archie. He says he was just thinking about her. He invites her to go snowboarding on Saturday. Staring at the ball in wonder, she agrees and ends the call. Cheryl is excited that the ball “really works”. Bitch, it was a coincidence. She shakes the ball and asks it if she’s wealthier than Veronica Lodge. The response is “Of course”. Cheryl declares “This ball knows it all!” She giggles, laughs, shakes the ball, and asks it if she’s prettier than Betty Cooper.

The response is “No”. Cheryl is shocked and calls a salon or spa to be booked for “a day of beauty”, because this is an “emergency”. For fuck’s sake. Hey, didn’t Cheryl borrow her mom’s purse, because she was gonna go out somewhere? What happened to that? Well, whatever. Cheryl goes through her “day of beauty” and then asks the ball the question again.

The response is still “No”, which shocks Cheryl. She calls Betty and invites her over to pose for some make-over photos. Betty, who seems to be just lounging around and reading or whatever, happily accepts.

Soon, Betty arrives, and Cheryl (who has completely changed her outfit, her third in a single day) thanks her for coming over so quickly. Cheryl gets Betty something to drink, and then the two friends sit down in…some room, seemingly on the floor, amidst a bunch of beauty items, and Cheryl explains her idea for the shoot: “two friends giving each other a facial and stuff”. Don’t tease me. Betty says it’s a great idea. Cheryl puts a mud pack on Betty and then conditions her hair, and then she puts a “nice plastic bag” on her head to help with the oil treatment.

Cheryl goes to get her “camera”, but she’s asking the ball again. She hopes it works, because “Betty looks like a total geek”. Betty says the mask is tightening and takes it off. The ball’s response is “No”. Cheryl cries. Betty asks her what’s wrong. Cheryl explains everything and starts crying. Betty puts her comforting hands on Cheryl’s shoulders and asks her how she can let a piece of plastic tell her what’s what. Cheryl immediately realizes she was a dumbass and tosses the ball away. Betty says she sometimes feels like Cheryl’s mellowing out. Um, how does that flow from anything that’s happened so far? Anyway, Cheryl agrees, saying she’s “a regular marshmallow”. Haha. Behind them, the ball reads “Yeah sure!”

This story was pretty fun, even if the premise was absurd. I like to think, when Betty and Cheryl walk off at the end, they’re going to get Betty cleaned up and then do a real photo shoot.

Author: markmooreauthor

I love watching anime and superhero movies, and I love playing video games. I also write fan fiction and original fiction.

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