Writer: Holly G! (Holly Golightly)
Pencils: Holly G!
Inking: John Lowe
Lettering: Bill Yoshida
Coloring: Barry Grossman
Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom, No. 30
Cover Date: March, 2000
Length: 11 pages
Although I have the original issue, I’m reviewing this story from the digital edition.
Much to the pleasure of some male onlookers, Cheryl is doing some ski stunts on the slopes. Betty and Veronica watch nearby. Ronnie calls Cheryl a show-off. Cheryl (who has blue eyes in this story) asks Archie, Reggie, and…some other guy what they think.
The boys are gone, though, much to Cheryl’s confusion. Ronnie explains they “just got wind” of the “surprise band” playing at the ski lodge tonight. And who, pray tell, came and told them in the span of a few seconds? Anyway, Betty informs Cheryl that a B*Witched knockoff is performing tonight, and she and Ronnie are gonna get tickets. They leave. Cheryl recognizes the band as “that all-girl group” and understands why the boys split on her show in favor of a band that’s “real hot right now”. It seems to me that, for someone that should be on top of pop culture, it took Cheryl a moment to remember this band. But, yeah, they were fucking huge at the time. They even performed the theme song of Sabrina: The Animated Series, the prequel series to Sabrina’s Secret Life:
In fact, the title of this very story is a pun on their first single, “C’est la Vie“:
Cheryl skis back to the lodge and is amazed at the commotion. She remembers her time in a girl group (all three hours of it) and how she made a “commotion” (that “commotion” being pissing off her dad). Cheryl bets the band would “love it” if she did a couple of songs with them tonight.
Later, outside the ski lodge’s ballroom, Cheryl hears them “tuning in” for tonight’s gig. That makes it sound like they’re trying to get good TV reception. Wouldn’t simply “tuning” be more appropriate? Remembering her recent big scoop, she takes a couple photographers into the ballroom with her and instructs them to get good photos of the band and her jamming. The band (the story turns one of the girls black, probably because half-Greek Lindsay Armaou looked kinda black in the “C’est la Vie” music video) is on the stage, practicing “C’est la Vie”. Cheryl jumps in (but actually with the wrong lyrics, compared to where the girls were at in the song). It’s understandable that we don’t get the full lyrics here, considering the song is shockingly dirty for a mainstream, worldwide-smash pop single. There are references to oral sex, female domination, gay sex, and masturbation. Anyway, the Lynch twins are pissed at Cheryl.
Cheryl introduces herself as “Cheryl Blossom, the artist formerly known as ‘Sugar Blossom’ of the ‘Sugar Girls'” and wants to be their guest star. One of the Lynches rejects her. Sinéad says they don’t need another girl. The girls fuck up the attempted photos by making silly faces and giving Cheryl bunny ears. Cheryl angrily tells her photographers to stop taking pictures. One of the Lynches gives Cheryl some free tickets for tonight’s show. A sad Cheryl says she’d like to put “our” photo on the cover of her fashion mag.
Cheryl says it’d be great publicity for the band. One of the Lynches turns her down. They’re just playing this show tonight, and then they’re gonna ski for the rest of the weekend. Edele pushes Cheryl out of the room, explaining the band’s worked hard this year, and they’re looking forward to fun in the snow. She shoves “Sugar” out of the ballroom, and Cheryl lands on her ass. A pissed Cheryl vows she will get pictures for her magazine (yeah, it seems Fresh is officially hers). Y’know, if Cheryl wasn’t such an egotist with the need to insert herself into everything, she could have just asked the band nicely for an impromptu, casual photo shoot (such as taking photos of them rehearsing), and they might have said yes.
The next day, out on the slopes, Cheryl starts taking pictures of the band for the “fabulous” article that she’s gonna write. The band is pissed at her. Also, Sinéad’s hair changes color from brown to red for two panels.
Back at the lodge, while enjoying a warm cup of whatever, Cheryl looks at the “awful” photos that she took. Sugar wants in her lap, and Cheryl obliges. Cheryl watches the girls having fun outside and suddenly has an idea. She calls Dilton on her cell phone and reminds him of “that micro-camera” that he invented. I’m guessing she’s referring to the camera that she used in “To Catch a Falling Star”. I didn’t expect Holly to actually clarify where the fuck Cheryl got that camera. I just assumed it was equipment from the Fresh office.
Soon, Dilton arrives, and Cheryl thanks him for coming down to the ski lodge. A lovestruck Dilton declares “To the ends of the globe for you, mon cheri!” That’s clever.
Dilton has brought the micro-camera with him, built into a blossom pendant as Cheryl requested. Cheryl fastens it to Sugar’s collar. She explains to Dilton that this is how she’s going to get some pictures of the band, figuring no girl can resist such a sweet puppy. Cheryl snuggles with Sugar, and it’s such a sweet moment; you can tell they totally love each other. According to Cheryl, picking Sugar up to snuggle her will activate the camera, and she’ll have their smiling faces. Dilton says it’s “the movement of the canine’s tail” that will activate the micro-camera. How the fuck does that work?
Well, whatever. Cheryl takes Sugar outside and sends her out to the “nice girls”. She then hides in the lodge, so they don’t catch on (yeah, she just abandoned her pet in the snow). Unfortunately, the excessive perfume that Cheryl put on Sugar causes all four girls to sneeze.
An hour later, Cheryl welcomes her “star photographer” back into the ski lodge. Sugar runs in with an excited “Yip!”, apparently forgiving her mistress for abandoning her. Cheryl calls up Fresh and tells them, “Stop the presses!” She says she has their “stellar” cover and article. Dilton asks Cheryl if she shouldn’t wait and see the photos that Sugar took first. Cheryl waves it off, saying she’s “sure they’re great”. She thanks him. I have to comment on Dilton’s appearance in this panel. I know they’re trying to indicate a slight depression between his lower lip and chin; unfortunately, the way that it’s drawn, at first glance, it looks like he has a tiny mouth and a Hitler mustache.
The next day, at the Fresh office, Cheryl asks two girls (one of which might be Aura from “To Catch a Falling Star”) if her photos are “rad or what”. It’s 2000, and Cheryl’s still saying “rad”. Anyway, the photos have been developed, and they suck ass. Sugar took pictures of the girls sneezing and a tree trunk. Nevertheless, someone saw fit to add the Fresh logo to them and print out posters to display on the wall. I’d like to think Cheryl’s staffers did that solely to make a big reveal, so she could dramatically be confronted with her sucky photos (it works; she feels bad and starts crying), because there’s no other reason why it got that far along in the process.
This story was pretty fun, but it’s frustrating to watch Cheryl go to great lengths over nothing instead of just trying to talk to and work with her subjects. Hell, why didn’t she take any pictures of the fucking concert?! That was completely skipped over!
In the middle of the story is a page of Cheryl fan art (with entries from Daniela Gigliotti of Long Beach, California; Kendra Jones of Montgomery, Alabama; Brianna Huggins of Vermontville, New York; Maryam Ahadi of Westminster, Colorado; and Kalon Haggith of Ontario, Canada).