Writer: Holly G! (Holly Golightly)*
Pencils: Holly G!*
Inking: Jim Amash*
Lettering: Bill Yoshida*
Coloring: Stephanie Vozzo*
Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom, No. 35
Cover Date: October, 2000
Length: 6 pages
*Only the lead story in the issue is credited. I assume the credits apply to all of the stories.
Although I have the original issue, I’m reviewing this story from the digital edition. This is the final issue that’s available in digital format as of this writing.
Cheryl, Betty, and Veronica are hanging out in their office. Apparently, they have formed a bodyguard agency known as P.I.P. (Protecting Important People), which is a division of Blossom Industries. They’re wearing matching sleeveless crop tops with the name and logo (a blossom). Well, this development came right the fuck out of nowhere. When and why did they decide to form this business? Is their office located in Blossom Industries headquarters? (They have a window view of skyscrapers.) Also, they definitely have to be 18 at this point, right? They can’t legally become bodyguards otherwise.
Anyway, they don’t seem to be busy at all. Cheryl is sitting in a chair, Betty is exercising on a treadmill, and Ronnie is sitting under a hairdryer. They get a call, and Cheryl answers the phone. Cheryl (who has aquamarine eyes in this story) accepts a “totally sweet gig”. Toweling off, Betty asks her what it is. They’re going to be the bodyguards for a Christina Aguilera knockoff. Betty is excited.
Cheryl knocks on the hairdryer and informs Ronnie, who’s irritated. Cheryl asks Betty to tell her again why they have Ronnie working with them. Betty reminds Cheryl that she said it was cooler to have a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. Cheryl remembers and cheers up. That was some clunky exposition.
45 minutes later, Ronnie is finally ready. Cheryl and Betty had been waiting for her, and Betty had fallen asleep. The three women strike badass poses, and there’s an American flag in background. P.I.P. is America’s bodyguard agency, bitches!
They ride with Chrissy in her limo. Cheryl exposits it’s their job to protect her and her “priceless guitar”. In real life, she doesn’t play an instrument. Anyway, she finds the girls “way cool”, but she told her manager that she can take care of herself. Cheryl insists Chrissy needs them and adds they’re “trained professionals”. Really? In what sense? When and where did they get this training? Anyway, Betty agrees with Cheryl and tells Chrissy that they’ll make sure her trip to the concert hall goes off without a problem. Is that the extent of their job: taking her to the concert hall?
When they arrive, they get out of the limo, and Cheryl and Betty stand on either side of Chrissy while Ronnie keeps people away.
An asshole wants to grab Chrissy’s guitar to sell it. Cheryl (whose eyes turn to blue) gets distracted by a photographer offering to take a photo for the paper. The guy uses the distraction to rush in and grab Chrissy’s guitar. Betty yells to Cheryl. Chrissy tries to wrestle her guitar away from the guy. Cheryl and Betty stand around, helpless. Betty asks Cheryl what to do. Ronnie is useless. Cheryl has the idea to “karate” the guy, but Ronnie refuses to, because she’ll break a nail. While this is going on, Chrissy is kicking the guy, and she gets her guitar back.
The women (primarily Cheryl and Ronnie) continue arguing. Cheryl’s eyes are now green. Betty convinces Cheryl and Ronnie to stop fighting and says they’ll help Chrissy as a team. Unfortunately, by this point, three young girls have beaten the guy up, and one of them, having a cell phone, calls the police. The supposed adults are oblivious to the guy’s dazed appearance, and Cheryl knocks him to the pavement with her pointer finger. Chrissy thanks the little girls.
Two police officers arrive and take the guy away. On their way out, one of them asks “Who did this good work?” Um, police questioning is a lot more thorough than that. Anyway, the women seem nervous as Chrissy (with an evil smile) contemplates her response.
Chrissy replaces the women with the little girls as her bodyguards, and they all got “P.I.P.” T-shirts (minus the blossom logo) and sunglasses. Cheryl and Ronnie are upset, but Betty, looking on the bright side, says they have front-row seats.
This story could have been good, but there’s no actual set-up for it, and the women just stand around and do nothing during a crucial moment. When they finally decide to step in and help, it’s too late. This could have made a good double-length (or even issue-length) story. Show the women taking karate. Show them deciding to open the business. As it is, the story feels rushed and incomplete. There’s a good idea here, but it’s a half-baked story.
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