Writer: Craig Boldman
Pencils: Bill Galvan*
Inks: Rich Koslowski*
Original Publication: Tales From Riverdale Digest, No. 26
Cover Date: March, 2008
Shipping Date: December 26, 2007**
On-Sale DDC Date: January 2, 2008**
On-Sale Newsstand Date: January 15, 2008**
Length: 6 pages
*I’m posting an old review that I wrote in 2008, of a story in a digest that I no longer own. I didn’t make note of anyone other than the writer back then; the info comes from Grand Comics Database.
**according to solicitations
In the school’s computer lab, Archie sees Dilton put his own head onto a robotic or armored body by using imaging software. Archie is amazed. Dilton shows him how to use it. Archie puts his own head on the shoulders of one of the wrestling team jocks.
When they leave, two girls come across Archie’s manipulated picture and are convinced that it’s real. One of them e-mails the picture to some of the girls.
Before long, Archie notices all of the girls keep gazing at him. Jughead compares Archie’s attitude to Reggie’s. Reggie comes by and angrily asks Archie about the girls, which makes Archie think he’s not imagining it.
At lunch, some girls invite Archie to sit with them. Betty, watching from her and Veronica’s table, asks Veronica if she’s been getting a load of this “sickening display”. Veronica talks about the doctored photo, which Betty has seen. Betty says she’s seen Archie at the beach enough to know his build isn’t ever going to look like that. Veronica says the girls are deluding themselves. Betty says it’s mass hysteria and suggests telling them. Veronica suggests a visual to drive the point home. Archie tells Jughead that he’s finally figured out that the girls are crazy about his body, which confuses Jughead. Veronica, knowing Archie’s size, gives him a shirt to “show off” his “muscles”. Archie, deciding to “give ’em what they crave”, changes into the shirt in the restroom.
When he meets some girls, they’re surprised and wonder what’s going on. Betty and Veronica are happy, but then the other girls, sad at seeing Archie “so sickly”, decide to give him some “T.L.C.” (of which they have “plenty”) to get him back to his “magnificent old self”. Betty is surprised. Veronica is angry and says she “underestimated the teenagers’ ability to delude themselves so sincerely”.
This b-story is one of those everyone-is-an-idiot stories. Let’s walk through this:
1) Archie is an idiot for not knowing about photo manipulation. At all.
2) The girls in the computer lab are idiots for believing an image in an imaging program is authentic.
3) The girls at Riverdale High are idiots for not considering the possibility that the image was doctored.
4) The girls at Riverdale High are idiots for believing Archie really is muscular under his clothes.
5) The girls at Riverdale High have apparently never seen Archie in a plain short-sleeved shirt.
6) The girls at Riverdale High are idiots for believing Archie had simply lost all of that muscle.
Finally, what’s with Veronica referring to the morons as “the teenagers”? Is she implying she and Betty are in their twenties…and still in high school? Or maybe teachers?
This story is one big idiot plot. I’ve seen better writing than this on Captain N.
Not often – but sometimes.