Comics – Stellar Behavior

Writer: Holly G! (Holly Golightly)*
Pencils: Holly G!*
Inking: Jim Amash*
Lettering: Bill Yoshida*
Coloring: Barry Grossman*
Original Publication: Cheryl Blossom, No. 24
Cover Date: August, 1999
Length: 5 pages

*Only the lead story in the issue is credited. I assume the credits apply to all of the stories.

Although I have the original issue, I’m reviewing this story from the digital edition.

Before the story starts, the panel containing the title includes some artwork of Cheryl as Princess Leia and Jason as Han Solo. Yeah. So it seems Riverdale wasn’t the first to toy with the idea of an incestuous relationship between Cheryl and Jason.

Cheryl walks into Jason’s bedroom, wearing a swimsuit (designed by Allie Lewin of Chevy Chase, Maryland) and holding a bag and a towel. Jason’s on his bed, playing with toys. She asks him if he gonna drive her to the beach. Why is Cheryl relying on Jason for transportation? She can drive. If her car’s in the shop, Jamie could drive her. Jason claims Cheryl is jealous, because he gets to host the premiere party of a Star Wars knockoff. Let’s see. Star Wars: Episode 1 – The Phantom Menace premiered on May 16, 1999, in Los Angeles. Seems about right, except the previous story ended on June 8. Anyway, Cheryl makes fun of the geek. Jason calls Cheryl a “Sugar Girls‘ geek”. And, yeah, there’s an apostrophe there for no reason. Cheryl drags Jason away.

Soon, at the beach, Cheryl is hanging out with Priscilla. Priscilla says Jason has been “strutting around like a peacock”. Cheryl says it’s just because he’s president of the fan club of that Star Wars knockoff. I seriously doubt that’s gonna help Jason get laid, but he does get some attention. Cheryl says they picked him to host the movie’s opening party tonight, which will be televised. Priscilla asks if this world is big enough for two famous Blossoms. Um, Cheryl is famous. Jason is a geek. Anyway, Cheryl doesn’t give a shit. By the way, she has blue eyes in this story.

Later that night, Jason is pissed that their mom made him take Cheryl. Cheryl is pissed, too, because she’s missing a Party of Five knockoff. Um, she does know how to program a VCR, doesn’t she? Anyway, they’re riding in a white limo, not Cheryl’s red one. When they arrive at the premiere, Jason is amazed at the size of the crowd. So…did they go to L.A., or is the story pretending a major sci-fi film is having its premiere in Riverdale or Pembrooke?

Cheryl looks at the costumed geeks and calls them “a bunch of wackos”. Jason has a costume waiting for him backstage. The director has rigged it up, so Jason “flies” onto the stage, which apparently the knockoff version of Stormtroopers are known to do.

Cheryl is impressed by the “ritzy” dressing room. Jason’s full of himself, so Cheryl reminds him that he’s just announcing a movie opening. Wait, that’s it? I thought he was hosting a party after the premiere. Maybe both are true? Who knows? Jason is excited to find his costume and changes into it. Cheryl doesn’t give a shit.

Jason gets a ten-minute notice, so he takes his place backstage, and Cheryl accompanies him…for some reason. Cheryl is amazed at the size of the crowd out there, and Jason suddenly feels “oogie”. He runs off to the restroom, and Cheryl laughs. The tech guy arrives and asks where Jason is. Cheryl explains. She also says she’s his sister for no particular reason. The tech guy says she’ll have to go on for him. Um, yeah, no, that’s bullshit. He tells her to put on the spare costume that he just happens to have with him, and he’ll fit her into the flying harness. Cheryl agrees to all of this, I guess just because there’s a huge crowd.

Meanwhile, Jason’s washing his face in the restroom (at some weird standalone sink that looks more like a water fountain or birdbath) and wondering how Cheryl gets in front of an audience. He pulls himself together for the sake of the film and marches out, resolute.

He can’t find his flying harness, though, and is shocked to see Cheryl flying around over the stage. A pissed Jason has the tech guy “wire” him up for flying. I guess there’s also a second flying harness on hand? Once Jason gets out there, he and Cheryl get into a slapping fight and argue. The crowd loves it.

This story was okay. Jason being a sci-fi geek comes out of nowhere, though.

Author: markmooreauthor

I love watching anime and superhero movies, and I love playing video games. I also write fan fiction and original fiction.

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